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Thought today about before I had Devon. I did not want to have more kids. I had truth, and was happy to have her be my only child. Frank always said he wanted more kids, but I just wanted to spoil Truth and not divide my time. I spent 6 years saying "no", when I people asked "when are you going to have more children".
It was great the way that God turned my heart around. I had a dream one night. I was on a train on a sunny beautiful day. Someone handed me a baby. I remember feeling teary eyed in the dream, at how beautiful the baby was. I couldn't take my eyes off of the baby, but I did ask "who's baby is this?". I was so joyful when the answer was, "He is your baby.". I woke up right after that, feeling like I had had my baby ripped out of my arms. I just wanted to go back to sleep and hold that baby again.
That was it. I told Frank that day, that I wanted another baby. I wanted a boy. A little over a year later, I was pregnant. Now, I know that everyone has the standard answer when someone asks "Do you want a boy or a girl?", and you're supposed to say "It doesn't matter, I will be happy either way.". I can tell you that if Devon had been a girl, I would not be writting this right now, and would be head over heels for my baby girl. However, I truely wanted to say "A Boy!!! I want a BOY! I want THAT boy!". You know how the rest of the story goes, had a boy, named him devon, and he is even better than the dream.
The awesome part of all of it, is how God just put that in my heart. I was set. I did not want another child, and did not feel like I was missing anything by not having another child. God knew me better than I even know myself. I thought I was full and missing nothing. God showed me the place where Devon was, and then gave him to me.
I have totally ignored God, at times in my life, and as I reflect on having Devon in my life, I am so glad that this was a moment where I listened. When I didn't ignore a longing God placed in my heart. I was terrified about financial stuff, time, my job (just starting radio, and thought I would have to give it up.). Terrified or not, I knew that this was what God had for me. I look back now and think, really? Those were my fears? Our God is so much bigger than that. Our small minds can't wrap around how God does things, so when he puts it in our heart, you just have to say "Let's roll". The blessings far out weigh those petty fears.
Thought today about before I had Devon. I did not want to have more kids. I had truth, and was happy to have her be my only child. Frank always said he wanted more kids, but I just wanted to spoil Truth and not divide my time. I spent 6 years saying "no", when I people asked "when are you going to have more children".
It was great the way that God turned my heart around. I had a dream one night. I was on a train on a sunny beautiful day. Someone handed me a baby. I remember feeling teary eyed in the dream, at how beautiful the baby was. I couldn't take my eyes off of the baby, but I did ask "who's baby is this?". I was so joyful when the answer was, "He is your baby.". I woke up right after that, feeling like I had had my baby ripped out of my arms. I just wanted to go back to sleep and hold that baby again.
That was it. I told Frank that day, that I wanted another baby. I wanted a boy. A little over a year later, I was pregnant. Now, I know that everyone has the standard answer when someone asks "Do you want a boy or a girl?", and you're supposed to say "It doesn't matter, I will be happy either way.". I can tell you that if Devon had been a girl, I would not be writting this right now, and would be head over heels for my baby girl. However, I truely wanted to say "A Boy!!! I want a BOY! I want THAT boy!". You know how the rest of the story goes, had a boy, named him devon, and he is even better than the dream.
The awesome part of all of it, is how God just put that in my heart. I was set. I did not want another child, and did not feel like I was missing anything by not having another child. God knew me better than I even know myself. I thought I was full and missing nothing. God showed me the place where Devon was, and then gave him to me.
I have totally ignored God, at times in my life, and as I reflect on having Devon in my life, I am so glad that this was a moment where I listened. When I didn't ignore a longing God placed in my heart. I was terrified about financial stuff, time, my job (just starting radio, and thought I would have to give it up.). Terrified or not, I knew that this was what God had for me. I look back now and think, really? Those were my fears? Our God is so much bigger than that. Our small minds can't wrap around how God does things, so when he puts it in our heart, you just have to say "Let's roll". The blessings far out weigh those petty fears.
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